Sunday, September 28, 2008

Pages 1-10

Page 1 - StarCraft
(Grade 9)
It is where people randomly appear on a 256 x 256 pixilated map. These random people have a very limited vocabulary. To make themselves look smart, they say a word they refer to as “the F word” to enhance their speech. These random people refer to “God” as some person behind a computer screen on some foreign planet in the infinite reaches of the universe. The only reason these random people exist is to obey every command that their God gives them. God uses a simple move, attack, stop, patrol, gather, and build commands on the bottom right hand corner of their screen. The God can get the random people to do anything he/she wants, but most Gods just get them to go into pointless battles where they are all ripped apart as their bodies are absorbed into the ground of the pixilated map within the time span of 3 seconds. One thing I have to tell you is that a split nano second (depending on the type of computer you have) before the random people die, they explode from the inside due to social failure. Their can be a max of 8 Gods in one map at any given time. The battles can range from 5 seconds to 5 days (God time) at a rate of 2 random people dying per second. The poor bloody world these mindless people live in is… StarCraft.

Page 2 – Everything Amounts to Nothing
Everything you do is useless. It all amounts to nothing. Wars just get people killed. Great ideas don't last forever, and you never get to live long enough to see if your idea made a serious impact on the world. Some ideas might last a while but then some guy comes along and changes it so it's no longer your idea but his. Do you think that in one million years you will be remembered? Do you think that they will even have records that you even existed? Time, the illusion that it is slowly erodes everything away that is older than one thousand years. Considering that everyone you meet is an illusion, if they meet you, you must also be an illusion. The only way to keep from becoming an illusion is killing everyone so no one ever meets you. Even just before you are born you must unleash a deadly gas to kill everyone in a 5000km radius, and then you must kill every "God" in existence. But in the end you will end up meeting yourself and instantly bizarrely becoming an illusion. You then think back about all the lives you took for nothing and decide to commit suicide taking all your nothingness with you. So as you can see, this view is nothing, everything is nothing, you are nothing, I'm something.... Have a nice day or correctly saying, have a nice nothing.

Page 3 – Lemmings
Lemmings. Lemmings. Lemmings. Lemmings. Suicidal lemmings. Hybrid lemmings. MY lemmings. In the world (see page 1), there are 3 different races: Terran (see page 6), Zerg (see page 5), and Protoss (see page 4). The zerg were the ones that were normally lemmings. I will now tell you how to take control of the lemming race. Too bad for you, I already control the lemmings, but I will still tell you just incase you live on another planet that has lemmings on it. First, you have to get a super smart friend that will make you a lemming morphing potion. Second, you need another friend that shares your interest and will not backstab you. Third, feed your good friend the potion. Fourth, your friend will have to find the main lemming population and make themselves king or at least leader. Fifth, your friend will have to earn the trust of the lemmings so that they will do absolutely anything for your friend. Sixth, tell your friend what you want the lemmings to do. There you go. How to control the whole lemming population in 6 easy steps. Warning: this may take years, and years considering the peaceful nature of most lemmings. Good luck though. Don’t try it on the planet Earth though, I already have complete control over them and have them ordered to eat any lemming that tries to declare themselves king.

Page 4 – The Protoss
The protoss were the 2nd race that appeared on the map. Like the zerg, they too were once a normal animal in the map. In this case they were sloths. They appeared to be very weak and slow creatures to the terrans (humans) but that was just a diversion. The sloth’s were secretly thinking of advanced technology they could use to kill... just about anything. One calm normal morning when the terrans were doing what they normally do... nothing. When I say nothing I am referring to them sitting in no shape in particular and looking dumbfoundedly at each other. Now back to them sloth’s. They put their plans into action. First they put a blank warning window on a couple of the god’s screens. The gods clicked ok thinking it was just a glitch. By clicking ok they allowed the sloth’s to access their editor for the map. The sloth’s then created the most advanced weapons and armor they could think of and also gave themselves bodysuits that they could control to use the powerful items they had created. They then attacked both the terrans and the lemmings slaughtering everything in their way. The lemmings did not care because they were so peaceful. The terrans did not care because they were still trying to learn how to stand and move and feel pain. The gods DID care but gave up on it and went to watch some T.V.

Page 5 – The Zerg
The zerg. The zerg were not created on the map for some while. They are the last race that was born into the map. They were actually an animal in the maps. They were lemmings. They were not ordinary lemmings like the ones I told you how to control on page 3. They were super strong but they were questionably peaceful to everything, even to people who slaughtered them for fun (the terran). Some smart terrans one day found a steaming liquid that fell from the sky. It was plutonium. They then decided it was nothing more important then them so they threw it away. Where it landed was on lemming territory. Even though the lemmings were peaceful they loathed littering. It drove them insane. The whole lemming population then jumped into the plutonium. This then burned their skin and caused them to mutate into the things we gods now know as the zerg. Different types of mutated zergs appeared that day and felt like declaring war on the surrounding area (256 x 256 map) without notice or hesitation. It took the terrans 10 long years to react and create a Confederacy that would wait until the very last moment to take action. They would manipulate their public, and make bad moves at every turn. In other words everything was perfectly normal.

Page 6 – The Terrans
The terrans. They were the first race to be created. The first terran that was created was created from a cow. Yes a cow. One of those big lazy animals that are black and white and go moo. When the map was first created, it was suppose to be just full of animals. It was at the beginning but when one day a cow fell into a chemical waste facility that appeared out of illogic. The cow went through a series of changes over years that the gods watched in awe. Then it died... The gods thought that they needed something to stop random things appearing out of nowhere. So they created Bod. That’s right Bod. Not Bob. Bod. After that people started popping out of nowhere so the gods gave up. They could live and die with it. Whet did it matter to them. So all in all the first terran was created because of a cow er... I mean chemical waste facility. The terrans did not start doing anything logically smart until the zerg and protoss killed Bod. After his death, every terran got up, took gauss rifles out of their back pocket and fired. Most of them died then and there from friendly fire. The ones that survived scraped up the little intelligence they had and attacked the protoss and zerg. They declared war on the protoss and zerg and on themselves. Thus the pre-brood war began.

Page 7 – Random
Randomly, random, randomness. Random is improbable as improbability is to randomly. Random is a unique ability that a handful of people have in the universe. One of these people created the universe. But in doing so he lost most of his intelligence and all his randomness because he put it all in his creation. Thus the world is governed by random happenings that involve random people that involve random twisted stories. This is why random things appear from nothing or fall from the sky like lightning. Life the universe and everything is random. Why? Because. Why because? Because "because" is the only logical answer to the question why. Why is this so? Because penguins exist. That's why. Why did I choose that answer? I didn’t. The reason I started my view is because of my random. Yes that’s right, someone wrote this. Here are some effects of random: You can do the most destructive things to something and it will still be in one piece and or work, but the minute you give it to someone else, it will do one or more of the following: burst into flames, cause discomfort, shatter, bend irregularly, implode, explode, break down, fall apart, or pop. There are more things that could happen but right now I am watching a cow slowly morph... I have been watching it for years now... oh... crap... It died. Oh well. I will let the other gods do something about it and go watch some T.V. While I am doing this, feel free to comment on my view.

Page 8 - Dumbluck & Dumbskill
The difference between dumbluck and dumbskill. First, dumbluck is a form of luck and not skill. Unfortunately luck is an illusion. It is only a figment of your imagination. It's all in your head. People believe that they actually are lucky so they actually give some effort to what they are doing and accomplish it. When they don’t win, they blame it on a random object "stupid keyboard!” On the other hand, "dumbskill" which has just recently been discovered by me and my fellow hermits, is where you don’t believe in luck and accomplish improbable things anyway. Dumbskill has been described on some planets as skill morphed with the corruption of luck, therefore making an unstable substance of skill that is stabilized by the word dumb. The dumb comes from all the brain cells you don’t have. Which is about 537 682 032 001 564 888 671 050 901. This is only approximate and is probably dodecllion times higher. Therefore making it quite a big number. Because of its vastness, we use an approximate that is small enough for your brain to understand. If I used the exact numbers it would be so mind boggling big, that everyone who looked at it would instantly die from multiple things like: internal hemeraging, internal combustion, social failure, implosion, ect...

Page 9 – An Explanation
On the last couple pages I have posted topics about the creation of life, the terrans, the zerg, the protoss, ECT. The world these races live in is StarCraft (as said on page 1). If you thought that this was what I think really happens in the real world, then your wrong. I was describing how the "video game" StarCraft came to be. So all you have read about it is pretty much useless. It does make for a great story though. In future entries, I will write about other great worlds like StarCraft, because when the world ends, this is how it might start up again. So it's good to know how we will fare in the next couple million years. We will all be mindless beings called the terrans. To me that is pretty assuring. At least I know that I will hopefully have died by that time and already have been forgotten so no one else will laugh at me for being the terrans ancestors. But until the lint in my pocket reacts with the bucket of plutonium I’m suppose to step in makes me invincible. I will be a mortal like all 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999 999999999999999999999999999% of you. Hopefully I can die before I become invincible, or I can become invincible and make sure that the terrans are smart. That will take me a couple billion years but hey, what else is there to do for someone who is immortal.

Page 10 – Spirit & Physical
People often think that the physical world is real and the spirit world is the image. Those people are wrong. It is the exact opposite. When we "die", death comes and slaughters our spirit. Our spirit is kind of like the driver and our physical form is like the machine. So when our driver dies, the machine ceases to operate. So if someone "dies" of old age you can start them up again like a car if you give them a new spirit. But if the machine is totally destroyed then the spirit is doomed... at least until death plays rock paper scissors with it and wins then the spirit dies. Beware! If you give a lifeless person a spirit to quickly, death might still be in the room playing poker with lost souls, and he will see the machine that he just supposedly disabled get up again, so he will decide to be-head every spirit in the room just to have a little fun. Besides, he keeps winning against the current lost souls because they are inexperienced and lifeless. The difference about the spirit and physical world is that they are both the exact opposite while at the same time being a mirror image, if that makes any sense to your mortal brain at all. It shouldn’t. If it does make sense then you are one of the following: Improbably smart (not likely), insane (very likely), sane, mad, sad, currently cutting yourself, always confused, no longer living, or blind.